Tuesday 16 December 2014

Doing that thing you do...

I love my little one to bits - I truly do. 

However, and this is a big however, there are some things she makes me do, and does herself, which I tend to doubt in my saner moments (which are relatively few).

Singing in a voice to terrify the hordes of Hades, with faces to match.
"This is the way we brush our teeth, early in the morning" (heavy metal screech)
[repeat in pseudo Mezzo-Soprano]
Why? Only way I can get her to brush her teeth morning and night.

Playing "inga inga" (ring-a-ring-a-roses) with "Dubya" (Ghunghroo bhaiyya) being dragged around on his leash about twenty times a day. 

Explaining to her that she can't have the moon (de do), the doctor's sons' photo (bhaiyya de do PISS) the plane in the sky (de DO, Icha, de DO), the Metro (Tain DE DO)...

Showing her the potty and trying to demonstrate with an understandably snappy Dubya how she can use it.

I just pretend that I am catatonic and can't see when:

She gets friendly with someone and starts demanding "mum-mum". If they don't understand, she gropes in the vicinity of their breasts. At least she is gender-neutral about it and it has happened only with family so far.


Shouts for "pitty mamma" in the playground with a gadzillion other mums looking on, smirking. (Oh, I'll get you for this, PP - YOU taught her "pretty mamma").

Pipes up "Shupput" at PP while calmly stacking her blocks. (I know, I know - my fault entirely for asking him to shut up about something silly, in her hearing)

Hollers "Aunty nhaai-nhaai" in the cinema hall every SINGLE time Katrina Kaif takes a shower (she took several of them) in some forgettable film. No more movies for you, kid.

Yells across a market when she sees two kids walking with icecream cones "I-keem de do. DE DO PEES" and doesn't stop till they are out of sight. 


Wednesday 3 December 2014

The saga of the bunny ears (in iambic pentameter)

Moonlit was the sky, and the babe asleep,
With hope in my heart, I approached the bed
She shifted and smiled, and snuggled in deep
Fondly, I leaned in - then my heart's ease fled

For there, in her sheets, lay the proof of pee
Dry covers on the side, Oh My, Oh Me!
The new mattress soaked, and the days wintry
The icing on my cake of misery

A wailing and gnashing of teeth arose
What manner of diapers are these? I shrieked
I spent good money, and stripped them - God knows
On pockets, AIOs, duos, I freaked

Organic wash cycles, essential oils
With vinegar for stripping, I did toil
I sun-dried, I ironed and smells did foil
And this, my reward, brought my blood to boil


No faint-heart, a solemn oath I did swear
I would crack this if it effing killed me
Disposables were not for her night wear
I would stand my ground firm, and fight not flee


So I asked around and then asked some more
The CD group helped and came to the fore
Hemp fitteds they said, I ordered four (ok - it was two but that doesn't rhyme, alright?)
They came by post and the packing I tore

I prepped and tried them as soon as may be
Alas and Alack, it was not to be
I tried again, with a pocket and plea 
It slipped in the night, left me all sniffly

This time, I thought, I would pull out all stops
Let the pee come, I would show it my chops
I stuffed the fitted into the pocket
With bunny ears out, it was a poppet

I added inserts, double snapped the ears
Fitted the legs and sent up a prayer
Slept and woke with a modicum of fear
Roved the whole bed with a slight manic air...

Hallelujah! I had won I had won!
My perfect all-night cloth diaper was here
It was bulky but good for a night run
I could finally sleep without any fear.


HOW TO DO BUNNY EARS:

warning: this may not work for chubby babies

Step 1: Lay out your fitted with all inserts

Step 2: Add additional insert if desired

Step 3: Lay out any regular pocket diaper

Step 4: Stuff fitted WITH inserts INSIDE pocket aligning such that closing snaps of both fitted and pocket are on the same end and the closing snaps of the fitted are sticking out "Bunny Ears"


Step 5: Place diaper on baby after undoing riser snaps for ease. Snap fitted "ear" on to pocket.












Step 6: Overlap pocket snap on the fitted to snap ahead of fitted
Step 7: Repeat for other side