I love my little one to bits - I truly do.
However, and this is a big however, there are some things she makes me do, and does herself, which I tend to doubt in my saner moments (which are relatively few).
Singing in a voice to terrify the hordes of Hades, with faces to match.
"This is the way we brush our teeth, early in the morning" (heavy metal screech)
[repeat in pseudo Mezzo-Soprano]
Why? Only way I can get her to brush her teeth morning and night.
Playing "inga inga" (ring-a-ring-a-roses) with "Dubya" (Ghunghroo bhaiyya) being dragged around on his leash about twenty times a day.
Explaining to her that she can't have the moon (de do), the doctor's sons' photo (bhaiyya de do PISS) the plane in the sky (de DO, Icha, de DO), the Metro (Tain DE DO)...
Showing her the potty and trying to demonstrate with an understandably snappy Dubya how she can use it.
I just pretend that I am catatonic and can't see when:
She gets friendly with someone and starts demanding "mum-mum". If they don't understand, she gropes in the vicinity of their breasts. At least she is gender-neutral about it and it has happened only with family so far.
Shouts for "pitty mamma" in the playground with a gadzillion other mums looking on, smirking. (Oh, I'll get you for this, PP - YOU taught her "pretty mamma").
Pipes up "Shupput" at PP while calmly stacking her blocks. (I know, I know - my fault entirely for asking him to shut up about something silly, in her hearing)
Hollers "Aunty nhaai-nhaai" in the cinema hall every SINGLE time Katrina Kaif takes a shower (she took several of them) in some forgettable film. No more movies for you, kid.
Yells across a market when she sees two kids walking with icecream cones "I-keem de do. DE DO PEES" and doesn't stop till they are out of sight.